How One Book Became My Beacon for Living Authentically

Bezzy IBD guide Alexa shares how ‘The Four Agreements’ taught her to communicate better in relationships and stop overthinking.

I have a deep appreciation for books. I read one fiction story after another growing up, solidifying my love for reading.

While I still love to escape in fiction once in a while, most of my reading these days is nonfiction. I love learning through reading.

One of my favorite genres is self-help. I find it interesting to hear other people’s ideas about how we can live in a heightened way and take on perspectives that resonate with me.

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A life changing read

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is one of my favorite self-help books. I reread it from time to time as the concepts are always worth a reminder, especially during challenging periods in life.

“The Four Agreements” is about four commitments, or agreements, people should make with themselves. These agreements empower people to live authentically and with integrity and experience the most fulfilling life possible.

Ruiz believes these are the guiding pillars to live by, and I agree that these are solid life principles:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Seeing relationships in a new light

I was fortunate to find this book in my mid-20s, a time in my life when I was learning a lot about communication and relationships of all kinds — platonic friendships, romantic relationships, and business connections.

I can recall times when I let my ego feel hurt over rejection or questioned my worth when I wasn’t chosen or treated fairly. This book helped me move past my ego in situations like those.

For example, in dealing with an interpersonal conflict, here is how I lead with the four agreements.

• I take my time to respond instead of reacting impulsively and potentially saying something I don’t mean.
• During a conflict, rejection, or any other situation where my ego wants to get involved, I remember that the situation is rarely about me.
• In addition to not taking other people’s actions personally, I understand that I don’t know everything they’ve been through or the thoughts, emotions, or beliefs that have influenced their actions.
• I do my best to be grounded and fair in how I communicate and present myself.

The takeaway

Navigating all that’s involved with relationships, like communication and conflict, is a major part of life.

Since I’ve adopted these agreements, I have a lot less to overthink or stress about.