Finding Empowerment: How I Moved Beyond ‘Why Me?’ After My IBD Diagnosis

Once I learned that I wasn’t responsible for getting ulcerative colitis, I shifted my perspective to focus on the factors that I could control.

When I was 22, I had just gotten engaged, was a few months into a job I loved, and was living on my own for the first time. Life should’ve been great.

But I struggled with severe stomach pain, and after several trips to the ER and various doctors, I learned that I had a chronic medical condition: ulcerative colitis (UC), a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

News of the diagnosis actually affected me more than my physical symptoms did. I was angry and depressed and couldn’t imagine what my life would look like moving forward. I remember wishing that I had just coped with my symptoms, rather than seeking out an explanation I didn’t want.

I couldn’t stop wondering, “Why me?” It didn’t seem fair. Why couldn’t I have the carefree life that other 22-year-olds had? I grieved the future I thought I would have, and was overwhelmed thinking about how I would manage my disease and still be productive and happy.

It wasn’t until I began understanding my condition that my outlook shifted. I spent a lot of time researching UC and discovered that factors out of my control may have contributed to my condition.

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Understanding the causes of IBD

It’s not clear exactly what causes UC. But experts believe that the immune system may play a role. It’s possible that the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue in the intestines, leading to chronic inflammation.

Environmental factors may also be at work. Research has found that living in urban cities and towns may increase the risk of IBD. Early exposure to tobacco smoke, antibiotics, and processed foods has also been found to trigger IBD.

Genetics may also contribute to your risk of developing IBD. Studies have found that you’re up to 30% more likely to have UC if you have a relative with the condition.

Understanding that there’s no known way to prevent UC helped me shift my focus from why this happened to me to being more proactive about managing my condition.

At my next doctor’s appointment, I brought a list of questions to discuss. I was eager to learn how exercise and sleep habits could affect how I feel. I also asked my doctor about skills to help me deal with my pain and fatigue.

Controlling my mindset

Once I was armed with knowledge about UC, I experienced a sense of acceptance about my condition. I realized there was nothing I could’ve done to change my fate. It was time to actively face my condition and focus my mind on what I could control.

With a long-term condition like UC, the goal is to keep symptoms at bay. I can’t be cured, but I can keep my mind set on reducing flares and going as long as possible without symptoms.

A simple step I take is making sure I take my medications as prescribed. Skipping a day or a dose could affect how I feel. This is an aspect of my condition that I have complete control over, so I stay very diligent about my medications.

Taking great care of myself overall helps me feel like I’m in the driver’s seat.

I follow a healthy diet and drink plenty of water. I practice yoga to keep my mind and gut calm. I’ve learned to make simple adjustments to my daily routine to make sure I’m never far from a bathroom. I always keep supplies on hand, such as wipes, a change of clothes, and medicines for pain and diarrhea.

Setting small, realistic goals also helps me stay empowered. Whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, I remind myself that I don’t have to worry about the entire future of my health today. Rather, I take it day by day, making healthy choices that enable me to make the most of each day.

I focus on keeping my disease in remission each day, rather than living in fear of how I may feel in the coming weeks and months.

Taking these steps helps me feel more in control of my illness. I stopped saying, “Why me?” and started saying, “What can I do to make this manageable?” It doesn’t mean it’s not tough to deal with, but it’s easier when you have a plan and a positive attitude.

Finding support

Another way I manage the aspects of my life that are in my control is by maintaining a strong support system. I have many reliable family and friends who are more than willing to help me manage my disease.

A phone call with a close friend often helps me get through a difficult day. I constantly remind myself that I’m not alone.

I also benefited from professional therapy as I navigated the emotional rollercoaster of my diagnosis. My therapist helped me come to terms with my condition and taught me how to stay mentally in control of it.

A particular strategy my therapist recommended that has made a big difference is keeping a gratitude journal. By writing down all the things I’m grateful for, I’m less focused on negative thoughts and challenges. This week, I noted I was grateful for a fun day at the beach with my two girls, and extra grateful that I felt good and energetic that day.

The takeaway

It’s normal to experience a range of emotions when you’re diagnosed with a chronic illness. But learning how to manage your condition and your feelings is key to living a fulfilling life.

Having a determined mindset has helped me stay in front of my condition. It’s also helpful to remember that the frustration you may feel will likely ease with time.